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365 Days

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                                                          We did it. June 4th marked 365 days after we said goodbye to Kevin. It was a bittersweet day with the memories still so fresh and raw and yet it felt really good to make it to that milestone. I got ready to go to work that morning with 3 days of school left in the school year all the while my brain repeating, "I did it. I did it. I did it." I survived a year without him. We got through every holiday, every birthday, every new first, every event, all of the lasts, I paid the bills each month, figured out social security, moved things to my name, kept the house, fixed the cars, made difficulty financial decisions, did the taxes, and all while working full time as an elementary teacher, raising four kids and grieving. I did it. I did it. And the beautiful truth is, I did not do it alone. No...
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Still moving forward, still grieving

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  We live a beautiful life in our sweet community surrounded by loving, caring people who shower us with love and support. AND every day is hard. Everything is hard. There is not a minute that goes by that I'm not thinking about Kevin.  He is everywhere. He is downstairs, when I wake up late on a Saturday, he's got coffee made, ESPN on the TV, puttering around the kitchen making some random new recipe, like an apple skillet bake for a big breakfast for the family. He is beside me walking the halls of the middle school in his plaid shirt, khaki pants, worn out leather shoes and his work badge still hanging from his pocket as I go from classroom to classroom for parent teacher conferences. He is at the all district band concert. He is at Solvei's last Christmas at Luther concert. He is at every family gathering at my parent's house and at his sister's house and all other places where family is. He's placed himself between the boys in church so they don't get g...
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The Light in the Darkness

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Christmas Eve 2023   Christmas Eve 2024 “I can’t see a way through”, said the boy. ... “Can you see your next step?” ... “Yes." ... "Just take that”, said the horse. - Charlie Mackesy Someone gave us this quote from the book The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse by Charlie  Mackesy  in a card when Kevin died Its hanging on our fridge and I think about it all the time. One step at a time. This journey forward is dark and tough. Since my last post in October, I have had all sorts of revelations and good days and bad days but this holiday season has been brutal. It's just so raw and so obvious that he is gone, he's not coming back and he's missing everything. He's missing out on living the life we worked so hard to build together.  After my last post in October, two things happened that really resonated with me. One was a professional development that some coworkers lead at school about the 5 basic human needs. Once we had delved in and I looked at each, it o...
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