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Lonely, but not alone

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I feel lonely. I miss my partner. I miss Kevin. I miss things like another adult at the dinner table to help cultivate conversation. I miss someone else giving ideas on what to make for dinner AND actually making dinner. I miss our little inside jokes. I miss having that person who you can crawl into that cozy place with where you can talk about your kids without a filter: how amazing your kids are, or how cute they are, or what an idiotic choice they made. That one other person who adores your children just as much as you do no matter what they do or how they behave. I miss trying to find a good show to watch together. I miss the driver in our family, the selfie taker. I miss how Kevin was a master at laundry and kept it moving and folded it neatly. I miss him picking up sticks in the yard and cleaning out the gutters. I never once had to think about snow in the driveway. I miss his big arms around me and his smell. I miss his stories about work and what the chef at the hospital had m...
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My Eulogy for Kevin

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  Tell Me Something Good A Eulogy for Kevin Christopherson by Tricia Farner Christopherson June 10, 2024 He loved you all so much. Thank you for being here. Our hearts are so full to see you and feel all of you watching online here with us  to celebrate our Kevin. Last night we gathered to share stories of Kevin throughout his life. Our little family of five came home full of joy and smiles having been drenched in love and laughter hearing heartfelt memories of the man who loved his family, reached out to make people feel welcome, made life adventurous, went out of his way for people, loved words and stories, made everyone laugh, played some fierce ping pong, loved to see how long he could make a tank of gas last and just shone with kindness. What a gift to, especially his kids, but all that were there. Thank you! As I said last night. Please keep sharing your Kevin stories. We want to hear them all and we want to hear them on repeat.  When Kevin and I were planning our w...
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He's been gone 2 years...how can that be?

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I've heard that the second year after the death of a loved one is even harder than the first year. I don't feel that way. It wasn't harder, but it definitely wasn't any easier. That first year was so raw. Everyday I would wake up and couldn't believe he was gone. It was like walking through an awful, bad dream. It hurt so badly and I didn't know how to navigate life when he wasn't in it anymore. Everything was heavy. Everything was painful. Everything was hard. Everyday was a new first without Kevin. I was determined to walk through it. To feel all of it. I knew that there was no easy way out of grief. I was also determined to show my kids that I was there for them. I was completely vulnerable in front of them. I didn't hide that I was devastated, or mad, or confused or that I felt overwhelmed. I was not shy in sharing any of that. I wanted them to know that all of the feelings they were having were valid. And I also knew that saying that I didn't kn...
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Nostalgia for a beautiful day

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Twenty six years ago, on the Saturday of Memorial Day weekend, Kevin and I tied the knot. I'm replaying that weekend in my head this morning. I'm thinking about what a magical weekend it was and all of the people who made it such a beautiful event. We had decided to get married in my home town, Mandan, which was quite the trek for the majority of our guests. But they came. They came from all over and we loved each of them for it.  That day started with rain. I came downstairs to the kitchen early in the morning at my parent's house and asked my farmer dad, "Are we going to have to move the wedding to the church? Is this rain going to stick around?" He had been looking at the Farmer's Almanac and studying the skies. He answered confidently,  "No. It's going to clear and be a beautiful day." He nailed it. It WAS the perfect day.  When I think about that day in May of 2000, I think of my parents, who willingly held the event in their backyard. I did...
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365 Days

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                                                          We did it. June 4th marked 365 days after we said goodbye to Kevin. It was a bittersweet day with the memories still so fresh and raw and yet it felt really good to make it to that milestone. I got ready to go to work that morning with 3 days of school left in the school year all the while my brain repeating, "I did it. I did it. I did it." I survived a year without him. We got through every holiday, every birthday, every new first, every event, all of the lasts, I paid the bills each month, figured out social security, moved things to my name, kept the house, fixed the cars, made difficulty financial decisions, did the taxes, and all while working full time as an elementary teacher, raising four kids and grieving. I did it. I did it. And the beautiful truth is, I did not do it alone. No...
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