Nostalgia for a beautiful day

Twenty six years ago, on the Saturday of Memorial Day weekend, Kevin and I tied the knot. I'm replaying that weekend in my head this morning. I'm thinking about what a magical weekend it was and all of the people who made it such a beautiful event. We had decided to get married in my home town, Mandan, which was quite the trek for the majority of our guests. But they came. They came from all over and we loved each of them for it. 

That day started with rain. I came downstairs to the kitchen early in the morning at my parent's house and asked my farmer dad, "Are we going to have to move the wedding to the church? Is this rain going to stick around?" He had been looking at the Farmer's Almanac and studying the skies. He answered confidently,  "No. It's going to clear and be a beautiful day." He nailed it. It WAS the perfect day. 

When I think about that day in May of 2000, I think of my parents, who willingly held the event in their backyard. I didn't have the perspective at the time to understand what a huge ask and undertaking that was. We got engaged in October and married in May. My mom and dad worked their tails off to get the backyard and their house "wedding ready" in that short time. Their house in Mandan had a picturesque view of the hilly countryside of western North Dakota. It turned out to be a lush, green, perfectly beautiful day. The view from the backyard, where the ceremony took place, was stunning. 

I think about Gwen McCay who brought her good eye and skills to decorate the backyard. All the people who set up chairs and took charge of parking on our cul-de-sac and set up the sound system. 

I think about Pastor Marsh Drege who was the executive director of Metigoshe Ministries at the time. He made the trip to Mandan from camp just as staff training was starting. Then I had the gall to ask him to bring down a sound system as well. Bold move. He gracefully said, "Of course!" and planned and presented a beautiful, personal ceremony that Kevin and I talked about for 24 years after. Kevin insisted that we always keep the container of Folgers Instant Coffee that Marsh used as a prop for his message that day, saying Folgers was OK in a bind. Folgers is nice, but that Kevin and I were more than that. We were kind. Kind like a Caribou Rainforest Blend. (Kevin worked for Caribou at the time). It's still in our kitchen cupboard to this day. We did not save the bag of Rainforest Blend. That didn't last long at all.

I think about the beautiful music that friends and family made that day. My dear friend, Leon Deitrich, who suggested we have a camp choir sing as a prelude to the wedding. So many beloved friends participated in that choir. So much heartfelt, lovely instrumental and choral music from friends and family from all parts of both our lives. They prepared, played and sang songs contributing joy to our wedding ceremony. Many of those same people sang together in the glorious choir at Kevin's funeral.

I think of that robin who sat in the tree and voiced his blessing all through the ceremony that day. 

I think of the classic car that Iver, Kevin's dad, brought on a trailer all the way from Redwood Falls to take us from the ceremony to the reception venue. 

The church women who served crackers and cheese and cookies during the receiving line as a favor to my mom who had done the same for countless weddings at our church over the years. 

My sister, Dana, who stepped in after we convinced my parents, the morning of the wedding, to let us serve wine in our yard after the ceremony. She ran around town, collecting the best, budget friendly wines to serve to our guests. 

All of the people who came from near and far. Friends and family who drove and flew to Mandan, ND to celebrate that day with us. Our beautiful wedding party, our aunts and uncles and cousins, our coworkers. Our brother in law, Phil's parents flying in all the way from England to witness our day. The friends who rented vans to drive together from the Twin Cities. Each person there meant so much to us.

I think about Melissa, my sister in law, who took black and white photographs that turned out to be my favorite pictures of that day. AND she filmed the ceremony. 

It was also the day that Kevin danced his renowned, solo dance to "Tell me Something Good" on the dance floor at our reception. No one who was there that night will ever forget those incomparable moves. It was as if he had choreographed it in preparation for that night. 

It was an amazing, gorgeous, perfect day. 

"Grow old along with me, the best is yet to be." We had that excerpt from a poem by Robert Browning  read at our ceremony. We thought we would grow old together. We thought he would be there for all of the graduations, all of the milestones and would walk our girls down the isle on their own wedding day. We thought he would be a wonderful grandpa. We talked about where we would live in the winter when we retired. All the bucket list places that we hadn't checked off yet. All of those dreams. 

Those twenty four years were full of joy, pain, heartbreak, loss, dreams coming true, uncertainty, friends we made, old friendships that stayed and grew, our four beautiful children, each one a miracle, and so much more. When we said, "for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health" it was impossible to know at the time what our life together would bring. We had no idea. It was not easy. Sometimes it was perfection, sometimes it was brutal. But I am thankful that I was able to say to him, as I said my last goodbye on June 4th, "You can go now. It's OK. You can rest. Thank you for giving me everything I ever dreamed of. We have had a beautiful life full of adventures and we created this amazing family. We will miss you, but it's OK to go." 

We watched our wedding video together on May 27, 2024. He was home, in between his Northfield Hospital stay from cellulitis and our trip to the ER at Mayo in Rochester just three days later. We talked about that day. He told me that watching that video made him want to do better. Make our marriage better. Eight days after watching that video, we said goodbye to him. 

I might put that video on today. I'm not sure yet. It's fun to look at that young couple, with their lives ahead of them, dreams to live out. Our groomsmen with so much hair, our nieces, so tiny, dancing in their fancy dresses looking like little princesses who are now married themselves. All the things we didn't yet know. All the wonderful people we hadn't yet met. All of the adventures we would have together. He really did make my dreams come true. We did as much as we could. I am abundantly blessed. I wish he was healthy and here with me now. I miss the man that I married. He wasn't really that same man his last few years. He had slowly faded away. I am thankful that we have so many friends and family who still share stories and memories with us about him. Who loved him because of what a wonderful friend he was, a great brother, a classmate who brought them endless laughs, a coworker who cared so deeply and appreciated his sense of humor. Family who will tell story upon story about him. I'm thankful he lives on for so many people. He was a gem. We were lucky to have known him. "Because we knew you, we have been changed for good."

I love you Lubbity. I will love you until the end of time,

Your HBear