Seis in a New Place

Christmas Eve 2023   Christmas Eve 2024 “I can’t see a way through”, said the boy. ... “Can you see your next step?” ... “Yes." ... "Just take that”, said the horse. - Charlie Mackesy Someone gave us this quote from the book The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse by Charlie  Mackesy  in a card when Kevin died Its hanging on our fridge and I think about it all the time. One step at a time. This journey forward is dark and tough. Since my last post in October, I have had all sorts of revelations and good days and bad days but this holiday season has been brutal. It's just so raw and so obvious that he is gone, he's not coming back and he's missing everything. He's missing out on living the life we worked so hard to build together.  After my last post in October, two things happened that really resonated with me. One was a professional development that some coworkers lead at school about the 5 basic human needs. Once we had delved in and I looked at each, it o...

Oh, how he loved the Princess Torte from Woullet Bakery Kevin would be turning 54 on Saturday. What an abundant life he lead. He used his time on earth wisely. He lived and loved with kindness, joy and adventure. It’s been tricky trying to figure out how to mark this day, but then it all kind of fell into place on its own. We will start out with “big breakfast” - how he loved a big breakfast, then the boys and I will be cleaning up the yard for winter with the help of some friends. Soren has a basketball tournament in the afternoon. Kevin would love that. So many things to keep us busy and honor him as well. He lives on through all of us. #vivomas If you are feeling like you want to celebrate Kevin on this day somehow, here are some things that brought him joy: (if you do celebrate Kevin in some way, it would be a gift to us if you’d share it with us - tag him on social media or send me a text or email)  Get up early and bring home donuts for your family Bake something: banana brea...

The hottest day. We moved Greta into her dorm and said “goodbye” to our safe little bubble of five.  Oh, my heart.  He's been gone four plus months now. How can that be?  Putting one foot in front of the other is harder than I thought it ever could be. The journey getting from Kevin's burial at the end of August to today has been exhausting and every step has felt so heavy.  I feel like I am wearing a weighted blanket on my shoulders that no one can see. The thing is, grieving is not something you can  avoid. You have to walk through it. There is no way of getting around it or sneaking past it. You have to put one foot in front of the other and walk straight into the pain and sadness of it. You have to wake up and take out the garbage that he always took out. You have to load the van to take a child to college...he was so good at that. You have to drop them off in their dorm, say goodbye and drive home...alone. No one is coming to take his place. You just have t...

Kevin's Burial  August 21, 2024 Kevin's Legacy Sharing Memories Forestville State Park Lake Melissa Troll Hunting Detroit Lakes Lake Melissa Roomate Weekend St Paul Saints Game Pizza Farm Kayaking on the St. Croix Taylor's Falls Drive Inn Nerstrand State Park Medora Theodore Roosevelt National Park Richman Family Reunion Dana and Melissa's Pool Party Great Wolf Lodge This summer has been brutiful. It has been brutal AND beautiful, to quote Glennon Doyle. The kids and I have spent constant, quality time together, holding each other close and having little adventures like Kevin would have loved us to have. We got to hike, be at the lake, kayak, search for trolls, swim in Dana and Melissa's pool, go camping and just sit in our grief together. I have surrounded myself with our dear family and friends that love us and loved Kevin. I've been living in this bittersweet bubble where I can be 100 percent in my grief. I can laugh and be joyful and cry tears of pain all wi...