My Eulogy for Kevin

 Tell Me Something Good

A Eulogy for Kevin Christopherson

by Tricia Farner Christopherson

June 10, 2024

He loved you all so much. Thank you for being here. Our hearts are so full to see you and feel all of you watching online here with us  to celebrate our Kevin. Last night we gathered to share stories of Kevin throughout his life. Our little family of five came home full of joy and smiles having been drenched in love and laughter hearing heartfelt memories of the man who loved his family, reached out to make people feel welcome, made life adventurous, went out of his way for people, loved words and stories, made everyone laugh, played some fierce ping pong, loved to see how long he could make a tank of gas last and just shone with kindness. What a gift to, especially his kids, but all that were there. Thank you! As I said last night. Please keep sharing your Kevin stories. We want to hear them all and we want to hear them on repeat. 

When Kevin and I were planning our wedding in 2000, he came to me one day bursting with excitement talking about this song he had heard on the radio that we just HAD to have played at our wedding dance. This was before the day of digital music for the common person. He had heard it as bumper music on his favorite local sports radio show. He went to enormous lengths to get his hands on this funky, soulful song. He had a friend who got him in touch with the radio hosts and he, of course, brought them coffee drinks in exchange for a disc of that song. So, at our wedding dance, as it got later in the evening, the DJ played that song. The moment he heard the first note, he was ON! It was as if he had spent hours in secret choreographing every beat of that song. The crowds parted and everyone stood in awe of this tall, lanky man moving his long limbs in perfect interpretive rhythm.

This was before smart phones, or even cell phones, really, so unfortunately there is no proof that this dance actually happened. Except that it is burned into the memories of those that were witness to the miraculous event. Paul Achter, also tall and lanky kept up with him pretty well and could probably show you a somewhat close version. 

The name of the song he danced to was “Tell Me Something Good” by Chaka Kan and Rufus. 

How perfect is that? Tell me something good. Tell me a good joke. Tell me a good story. Tell me something about yourself. Tell me about how your family is doing? Tell me how you feel. 

Kevin and I were acquaintances and had met at various parties in our mid twenties. He had always had long bangs that hung over his eyes, a bushy beard, usually a bandana tied around his head and big baggy overalls. I remembered him as kind and fun to be around but we’d always met when one of us lived somewhere else. He was in grad school or I was leaving to live abroad… Then in 1997, my roommate Heidi and I were invited to a holiday party at Pete Schlief’s brother’s house where our friends Ed Spohr and Pete Hanson were renting in Prior Lake. We lived in Uptown at the time so it was quite a drive but we were young and always looking for fun.  When we arrived, the first person I saw was Kevin. He was clean shaven, had cut his hair, and was wearing a pink Oxford button up. As we reintroduced ourselves and chatted I remember thinking “He cleans up pretty nice”. We talked and laughed all night and he invited me to the New Year’s Eve party he and his roommate Eric Runestad were having. That night on the long drive home from Prior Lake, I said to Heidi, “That’s the man I'm going to marry!” I just knew.  I went to that New Year’s Eve party and we talked and laughed all night. He asked me out and we saw each other 4 times in our first week of dating. I fell for him so quickly because I felt so comfortable in my own skin when I was around him. I didn’t have to pretend to be anything I wasn’t with him. He was so kind and genuine and hilarious. He said “tell me about yourself” “tell me what it’s like to be a teacher”, and he listened to my answer, because he sincerely wanted to know. He made people feel good about themselves. He could be the life of the party but not because he wanted the attention, but because he wanted everyone to have a good time. I remember on our second date, he brought a Christmas card of his family and told me about each one and said “Tell me about your family”. And he really wanted to know. He had a big frame in his room that had a collage of all the pictures his sister sent him of his 3 year old niece who lived in Texas. I knew he would be a great dad. He was always curious about people’s lives and professions, how their families were, “tell me…” was a way he started a lot of conversations.

Kevin and I bonded over our wanderlust. He loved to travel and live spontaneously. I can think of numerous times throughout our marriage, we’d be sitting in the family room after we’d gotten the kids to bed and I'd say, "I know this will sound crazy,” and he'd say “tell me”. And I’d spill out some ridiculous adventure we should take. I remember a specific adventure that started this way. We loved to road-trip and we were on a tight budget because we had one steady income. One night in early summer I said, “I know this will sound crazy but I’ve got an idea for a short trip, and he said “tell me”. I went on to tell him about a trip I had in my head to Glacier National Park. I took out our atlas and showed him a route through ND where we could stay with family one night and do camping cabins near the park. It would be a few days and very low budget. He nodded and thought about it and didn’t say much. We said we’d sleep on it. The next day he called me and said, “I have an alternative route that I can’t wait to show you”. We got the kids to bed that night and he pulled out his computer with a trip mapped out. His version was NOT a short road trip through ND and Montana. His map was a 10 day fast paced trip through ND into Canada with a stops in Saskatoon and Calgary to visit cousins and then on to Banff, across the border back into the US in Montana, a stop at the Many Glacier hotel, where he worked with Pete Hanson after college, a couple nights exploring Glacier National Park and a drive home. Kevin often put aside the practical to seize the day and make the most of every day. Our greatest adventure grew from such a conversation. We were on a road trip to visit Stacy and Phil and family in Texas. We had just seen some friends who were off on an adventure with their family to South America. As we sat in the front with miles of road ahead of us, I said, “What if we rented out our house, you worked remotely and we took the kids abroad for a year?” He said “Tell me more…”. Solvei popped her head from the backseat and said “We have to do it now, because I want to do it and I want to be back for my senior year” and there began our greatest adventure. He was so proud of that. He was also proud of how he packed our whole 2 story home into a storage room in our basement - He was really good at Tetris.

I think with all of his health problems, from such a young age he knew, statistically, that his life may be shorter than the average man’s. So he lived, wanting to do all of the things. He never missed a concert, a play, a match, a recital, a game or anything his kids were involved in. His children were his everything. He put aside his own interests because he was more interested in soaking up being a dad and being with his family. When life was crazy, and overwhelming we’d look at each other and say “We’re livin’ the dream!” We did live out our dreams together. We were so lucky that he was ours.

I have heard so much this week, “I was so shocked, I had no idea he had such extensive health problems.” And you wouldn’t have known if you saw him out and about. He didn’t want to be the sick guy. He didn’t want attention drawn to that part of him. He wanted to live his life to the fullest. Those of us who lived with him, that were in his daily life, knew all too well the extent of his suffering. The last five years, especially, have been so difficult. His bright light was slowly fading. He had doctors appointments and infusions, blood draws, tests, scans, talks about liver transplants. He was so depleted. He stayed with us by sheer will. He fought so hard to stay. He wanted to be here for all of it. But his body just couldn’t. His sister has wisely stated “It is a severe mercy”. We are heartbroken and devastated. We will miss him every minute of every day. AND we are so happy for him that he is dancing in heaven. He is no longer suffering.  

My friend Marsh, who is the pastor who married us described Kevin as “Definitely someone who put life in living and living in life.  I will always remember the earnest questions he asked: of himself, of others, of the world.  God outdid himself with this man.” 

So many of you, over the last week have hugged me and cried and said in my ear. “I have to tell you a story about Kevin.” And then you tell me something good. And it’s always about something that Kevin said to you just at the right time or told you how impressed he was with something your child did, or perhaps a ridiculously long joke. 

We would all be better people if we lived our lives like Kevin Cleve. Bring the fun, be kind, have an adventure, and say to others “Tell me something good about yourself.”

Here's a link to the song we played as the recessional at his funeral: Tell Me Something Good

If you want to watch the whole funeral, which is a beautiful celebration of Kevin's life, here is the link:

Kevin's Funeral