WHERE THERE IS A WILL . . .

In August of 2007, I headed to St. Olaf to play some noon ball. My turn on the court came – the shirts/skins determination was made. I was shirts. Awesome. I wasn’t going to play if I were skins. Just ‘cause. One of my teammates gave me my assignment.

“That mountain there is Will Healy. That’s your guy. Good luck.”

I whisper under my breath, “yeah, good luck.”

“What was that?”

“Nothin’. Let’s go.”

I was w/o question the weak link on my team. Didn’t make a shot, including 3 from point-blank range. Didn’t grab a board either; failed to box out even. Will was schooling me. Man, I was frustrated. This guy was making me look stupid. Then came a loose ball. I left my feet and made myself into a bowling ball. I took Will out – right at the shins – and that pin fell with a mighty crash. I quickly got up, looked back towards him briefly, but not to see if he was okay. I then bolted off the court, got in my car and left. Didn’t say a word to anyone, but many had words for me. I could hear them all the way out the doors. That was the first impression many people had of me. One that, in the minds of many, may be sustained to this day.

. . .

So, here we are today. I’m here to tell you that I am a flawed person. Magnificently flawed. Sometimes my instincts get the best of me. My instincts certainly didn’t do me any favors on that day 12 years ago. But instincts come in different forms, yeah? You have more control over some of them, but you have to choose to exert that control. I’m finding that growth is being cultivated here. I’m putting forth a more conscious effort to quell my flawed perspectives that can lead to negative behaviors. I have a tremendous role model that passively nourishes that growth. My daughter, Greta.

Greta is as kindhearted as they come. At her core, she is filled w/ compassion, kindness and love. A pure kind of love that sees the positive in people first and foremost. And she is grateful. She will let you know that you mean something to her; that your actions and deeds are appreciated. Here is an example. Communion at church. We are a Lutheran family; one that ascribes to the notion that we are “saved” by “God’s Grace.” Grace. That happens to be Greta’s middle name. When Greta first received communion, she accepted her bread as she was told, “Greta, this is the body of Christ broken for you.” She received her bread, placed it in her mouth and then gave the pastor a hug. She wasn’t coached on that; that was all her – and she has done that every time Pastor Tim or Pastor Becca has placed that bread in her hand since her first communion. It is an amazing thing to behold. Melts your heart. In part, because it is pure and genuine.

From “bread in hand” to “hand in hand.” I have always told people that what I treasured about giving our kids this opportunity, in part, was that they could experience the wonder of travel and experience new cultures, all while we were WITH them [as opposed to having them “go out on their own” to have their first run w/ it] “holding their hand” a bit as those experiences would unfold. That is true. I just didn’t appreciate that I would be the one being led by the person whose hand I was holding.

I mentioned in my first blog post that, unlike my wife and kids, I am at a huge deficit when it comes to the Spanish language and culture. That, together with these flaws of mine that I’m laying bear, contributed to a lot of venom in the first week that we were here. I felt as though I was being treated unfairly – even when I was putting forth an effort to speak the language. I was quick to condemn the security guards at the gate who would give me a hard time; the attendants at the gas station who I felt were trying to pull one over on me; the people on the street that wouldn’t make eye contact w/ me. I carried this resentment with me and then I stopped trying. I just barked about it. I would see someone coming towards me and I diverted my path to the opposite side of the street so I wouldn’t have to deal with them. What a jerk. Me, I mean. I would take my pouting, world-against me attitude poolside at our condo, and lay witness to Greta – befriending her peers; greeting young kids; striking up conversations w/ adults. Oh, the smiles she would put on their faces, just by putting forth a tiny-bit of effort. But there was something more. It was her default nature to look beyond any preliminary negative cues that might give a more cynical person pause. The kid who held his pool toy tightly as she approached; the adult who looked annoyed by her presence in “their space.” She gave them all the benefit of the doubt from go. She didn’t let the context derail the encounter. We often do that w/o considering that the person may have a lot more going on that has absolutely nothing to do with us and that what you lay witness to, may be DRASTICALLY different than what you think you are seeing – even if their actions seem undeniably negative, if not totally reprehensible and deserving of condemnation.

I want to take you back to that basketball court 12 years ago.

I had just had my entire colon removed 6 weeks before and came to play noon ball that day w/ a colostomy bag hanging from my abdomen. I was terrified. I was an emotional wreck. But I wanted to prove to myself that I could do this. I couldn’t focus; I was a hindrance to my team; I was extremely self-conscious. There was a loose ball, and my instincts took over – the truly reflexive-type that is nearly impossible to override. It was instilled upon me from ALL of my basketball coaches: Clemenson, Felt, Madsen, Erickson – every one of them would preach: if there is a loose ball, you go get it. So, I did. I launched myself towards the ball, but then quickly – I mean INSTANTANEOUSLY – realized the stupidity of what I was doing, I then put my arms to my torso, twisted so as not to take the impact of the fall on my bag and found myself suddenly with this giant of a man – Will Healy topped 2 meters (I’m working on a metric mindset these days) – on top of me. It looked malicious and intentional. Everybody who saw it might tell you as much, and many, to this day, may well have that memory in their head whenever they see me. I quickly got up, holding a bag of feces [through my shirt] in my hands. I looked back to see if any was on the floor. Seeing none, I bolted. I never spoke of that incident to any of the 20 some guys who saw it happen. I only made mention of it to the man who didn’t. Pastor Will Healy.

It was some time before I actually sought him out, but when I did, I was blown away. I went to his church and found him in his office. He rose from his desk and came to meet me as he saw me coming. He extended his hand and introduced himself. His hand engulfed my large hand, but that wasn’t my first impression. After his introduction he said, “I’m so glad you stopped in. I have been wanting to know if you were okay.” And his eyes. The compassion and genuineness in his eyes. What's more, he had absolutely zero anger, resentment or bitterness -- a total void of ANY of those feelings. That's what struck me. I did go through the whole story -- apologized SO MANY times, but none of that mattered to him. Well, of course it mattered. He had concern for my health issues; for all that I had gone through, but he didn't even need to hear it. That was the only conversation I ever had with Will Healy, but it was one that left me trying to emulate him. To be a person who was quicker to forgive than to condemn; to compliment rather than criticize; to exhibit compassion; kindness. Grace. But it takes vigilance. And when you are out of your comfort zone, it becomes more of a struggle. It is for me, anyway.

I have come to dwell on that sentinel event recently as I’ve been trying to address these flaws. That I should not succumb to my first impressions if they have negative leanings. I should stay on the same side of the street and not only lock in on the eye contact, but bring with it a tip of the cap, or a raising of the coffee and a full-voiced “BUEN DIA!” I should tell the gas station attendant who goes out of his way to help me get gas back to my car which ran out of gas 1.5 kms away, that he “won the day today.” I have done both of these things – the first one more often than not in the last 2 weeks, and the second w/ help of my Translator App, which yielded the biggest smile I've seen here in over 3 weeks. I hope to make this my new normal; the cultivated [learned] instinct. I know it is possible. Pastor Healy showed that to me, but it is even more palpable for me in the day-to-day machinations of Greta Grace. She’s one – here in Mexico – that has demonstrated to me . . .

. . . THERE’S A WAY.

Humbly yours – K